Ah, the holidays. Great food, great shopping, multiple opportunities to get persistent “When are you going to have a baby?” questions from every great-aunt and cousin twice-removed on both sides of your family…

Yes, it’s the question that can turn your holiday affair into a nightmare you just want to avoid. Your relatives are well-meaning, but that doesn’t make it any easier, does it?

This year, don’t be afraid of doing a little advance preparation to reduce the stress that the holidays can cause for people battling infertility. First, try to find a subtle way to let family members know that yes, you are trying to conceive, but we’d rather focus on enjoying the holiday instead of talking about it right now. This might be a good time to recruit Mom, a sister or a favorite cousin to have a quiet conversation in advance with that sweet-but-clueless aunt and nosy father-in-law to head off uncomfortable questions before the party even starts.

If that’s either not possible or not effective (I know, some relatives are just too nosy to resist subtlety), think of a short answer to the “Aren’t you pregnant yet?” question before heading to the party, so you won’t be put on the spot with nothing to say. Be armed with other interesting news or information – such as a recent work achievement or personal goal reached – so that you can give your answer to the dreaded question, then quickly turn the conversation in another direction. A simple, “No, not yet, but I have been busy tackling a new project at work/redecorating my home/working on my black belt in tae kwon do. It’s been great – let me tell you about it!” might take them down a whole new path and get them out of baby question mode. The important thing to remember is your relatives want to see you happy, and they’re asking because they’re hoping to hear good news. Having an answer and a strategy for getting out of the conversation can help reduce the stress of facing holiday parties.

Next month, I’ll continue this topic with a post you can pass along to family and friends regarding what I like to call my “Don’t know? Don’t ask!” policy. In the meantime, let me know how your Thanksgiving experiences go and if you have any additional tips to help anyone struggling with infertility get through the holidays.