After more than 20 years as an obstetrician/gynecologist and fertility specialist, I’ve been honored to be at the births of many healthy babies. But also in those 20+ years, I’ve cared for many women – and their partners - who have had to endure the heartbreaking pain of miscarriage, stillbirth or death of an infant. Some doctors might say that they’ve gotten used to helping women deal with such devastating losses, but I can’t. I don’t think I ever will. I get to know my patients so well that they feel like family to me, and when they go through that kind of agony, I want to be there by their side to support them and help them walk through the pain.

On October 15, we pause to commemorate National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and to remember all the babies – all the dreams – lost to mothers and their partners. My message to anyone who has suffered such a loss is a simple one: pregnancy and infant loss is devastating. You will never forget the baby or babies you’ve lost, no matter how many more children you go on to have. But you will go on. You will walk through the pain. You will laugh again. You will be able to look at a pregnant belly or a baby again without crying. But you will never forget, and that’s okay.

Find the support you need when you need it. Cry when you need to. Throw things when you need to. Speak up when you’re not getting what you need from family, friends or your doctor. If your doctor isn’t giving you the information, help or support you need, find another one – remember always that we work for you. Take care of yourself – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

And if and when you’re ready, give yourself permission to hope again like these strong and brave women did. Today, they pause to remember as well – just as they do every day – but they also commemorate their courage in walking through the pain.

If you’ve ever suffered a pregnancy or infant loss, I hope you give yourself permission to remember and mourn today, but I also hope you come out of this day with a renewed resolve to do whatever you need to do to continue healing – whether it be trying again for another baby or finding peace and contentment with the family you have. No matter what your choice, know that there are medical and counseling professionals ready to help – and while we will remember with you, we also will do all we can to help you continue down the family path you choose.